Six Sentence Sunday – First Impressions

The bright blue Harley touring bike roared down the street, around the corner, and into the alley behind Glen’s Place causing the men out front to turn and watch. Its rider was tired, sweaty, and muddy and planned to stop at Glen’s for a cold beer then swing by a fast food drive-thru on his way home to take a shower and be in bed by 10 o’clock. He had no inkling that the next 30 minutes would bring about an event that would change, not only his plans for that evening, but for the rest of his life. Anyone watching as he got off the bike and stowed his helmet and jacket in the compartment on the bike would never have taken Dave Johnson for a gay man. He didn’t have any of the stereotypical characteristics commonly associated with gay men; the limp-wrist, the lisping voice, the mincing walk. He was in his mid-30s, about 5’11” and slightly bow-legged from years of riding a motorcycle.

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6 responses to “Six Sentence Sunday – First Impressions

  1. Nice set up – you have a cool description of the guy going and I’m starting to visualize him – great six!

  2. I could edit that down about 20% if you’d let me. :o)

    • If it hadn’t already been published two years ago, I probably could also. I’ve learned a lot in the last two years.

      However, I do like for my reader to be able to close his eyes and know my characters the first time they appear on the page.

  3. Isn’t it true how much we learn with each book we publish? I’ve recently learned that when in a character’s POV, you don’t have to tell the reader “She saw, she heard, she knew, she felt,” since if you’ve clearly established a POV, the reader will KNOW who is doing all those things. 🙂 I’m still trying to weed out all the extraneous usages of “that”, and it seems “that” many of us do that. 🙂

    • I’ve published 3 books so far. The first two I had no editor. The third one, I worked with an editor for a while until I questioned her one too many times and she quit. Of course she was doing it for free. I did take a lot of her comments into account. But some of the sentences she reworded and totally changed the meaning of the paragraph.

      All three books were proof-read by a retired English teacher, but the editor made a lot of changes he didn’t.

      Before I published the third book, I used the ‘find’ feature on Word to look for ‘that’. I eliminated over 200 out of 300. Next was the word ‘had’ – 100 eliminated. Then the ‘ing’ verbs.

      As to POV, two of my books and the one I’m working on now, I’ve used first person. I find it easier to stay in POV that way.

  4. Ann Marie Gotzen-Berg

    If you can hook me in the first few paragraphs, then it’s the start of a good book. I’m hooked in the first few sentences.

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