My impression of American Football

FOOTBALL

It is football season – American football that is. I have never understood how a game played primarily with the hands can be called ‘football’. But then, I don’t understand the game at all. I’ll try to give you my impression of a televised, professional football game.

Now the way I understand it, a football game consists of four, fifteen-minute periods separated in the middle with a half hour break. This means the game should last one and one half hours – not so.

In the first place there is the pre-game show in which the announcers tell you what is going to happen in the game based on statistics (guesses). This is similar to political commentators telling what the President is going to say before a speech.

Then we finally start the actual game. There are eleven players on each team on the field for the kick-off in which one team kicks the ball to the other team which catches it and runs toward the goal post at the end of the field until they get stopped. Then the clock stops and the twenty-two players on the field leave the field and twenty-two others take their place. This happens every time the ball changes hands. Finally after approximately thirty minutes, the first quarter is over. I’m not sure if the teams change sides of the field here or not. But they play another quarter which takes another half hour.

Then we have half time. This consists of several things:

  1. The teams retire to their respective locker rooms where the coaches proceed to tell them what they did right or wrong in the first half.
  2. The commentators tell the people watching on TV why what they said was going to happen didn’t and what will happen in the second half. (Again like political commentators).
  3. Scantily-clad young women prance around the center of the field. This has no bearing on the outcome of the game. I can only assume they are there to warm up the men in the audience.

Now it’s time for the second half which is a repeat of the first half.

It is now about three hours since the pre-game show started and we still have the post-game show in which the whole game is analyzed and re-hashed via re-plays.

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